As I have written in each of my June articles, this will be my last column until September. A year ago, which was the 25th anniversary of my first website article, I reflected on the themes I had addressed in 250 articles during those 25 years. Some chronicled the ramifications of major national and worldwide events such as 9/11, natural disasters such as Hurricane Katrina, the pandemic, and increased political divisiveness. Other articles highlighted the impact of changes in my life during those 25 years, including the birth of four grandchildren, the passing of my two surviving brothers, and an increased appreciation of the importance of family, friends, and community in enriching our lives. I also wrote many articles related to specific interests such as resilience across the lifespan, intrinsic motivation, effective leadership, noteworthy educational practices, parenting and family issues, and bringing purpose and meaning to our lives. It’s difficult to believe it’s been a year since I reminisced about the first 25 years. My final article for this year (or more accurately, the academic year that I follow) is the last of a three-part series, all focusing on the importance of having a sense of purpose in our lives.…

Last month I discussed an interview conducted by Youki Terada with David Yeager, a psychologist on the faculty of the University of Texas at Austin. Yeager, author of the book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, is well known for his research and insights about factors that reinforce intrinsic motivation in students. He proposed that a significant force in nurturing intrinsic motivation was when students believed that what they were learning and doing promoted a sense of purpose. One source of this sense of purpose occurred when students had the opportunity to engage in actions that enriched the lives of others. At the end of my April article, I wrote that given my decades-long interest in the concept of “mindsets,” another detail that drew me to Yeager’s work was his identification of three different teacher (or other adult) mindsets, only one of which impacts positively on student motivation and purpose. I noted that I would describe the three in my May article. Identifying the components of different mindsets represents more than an academic exercise. Mindsets play a significant role in shaping our behaviors, including the quality of our interactions with others. As an example, if a teacher believes…

I recently read an interview conducted by Youki Terada with David Yeager, a psychologist on the faculty of the University of Texas at Austin. Yeager, author of the book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, is well known for his research and insights about factors that reinforce intrinsic motivation in students. In many of my writings I have addressed the topic of ways in which to nurture intrinsic motivation in our homes, schools, and workplaces. I have described theories of motivation, including Self-Determination Theory (SDT) proposed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. SDT emphasizes the importance of meeting four “needs” as a foundation for intrinsic motivation: belonging/connectedness; self-determination/autonomy, competence/mastery, and purpose. Terada’s opening paragraphs immediately caught my attention. She reported that as a middle school teacher, Yeager assumed that the best way to engage students “was to put on a good show—Robin Williams standing atop a desk giving a rousing speech—but it wasn’t until he taught The Outsiders to his seventh-grade students that things started to click.” After they finished reading the novel, he asked his students to create conflict resolution presentations for younger students at the school. Terada wrote, “The shift in their attitudes was…

Last week, as I was traveling to give two presentations at Milton Hershey School (MHS) in Hershey, PA, I read an article by Kara Baskin that was recently posted in the Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge online publication. I was intrigued by the title, “A Free Marketing Tool that Actually Works: Smiling.” It reported on research conducted by Shunyuan Zhang, a faculty member at Harvard Business School, and several of her colleagues. In my writings and presentations, I’ve described the power of seemingly small gestures, including warm greetings and smiles, in creating positive emotions that contribute to the formation of healthy, supportive relationships and our overall well-being.  To highlight the importance of a smile, I’ve often remarked with some humor, “Don’t you become a little concerned when a physician or mental health professional’s receptionist looks glum and doesn’t smile?  Not a promising way to begin an appointment!”  This comment often evokes both nods and laughter. The significance of a smile appears early in a child’s life.  For parents or other caregivers who are reading this article, think about the first time your infant smiled in response to your smile.  I remember the excitement I experienced with my sons Rich and…

I keep a stack of articles in my study. They cover themes I’ve found of great interest. Many pertain to topics I consider addressing in one of my monthly columns. As I was recently reviewing several of these articles, one especially caught my attention. It was based on an interview on NPR conducted by Rhitu Chatterjee with Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist at the University of Sussex in Great Britain. It had the intriguing title, “Why a Stranger’s Hello Can Do More than Just Brighten Your Day.” Chatterjee wrote that prior to Sandstrom enrolling in a Master’s program in psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, followed by a doctoral program in psychology at the University of British Columbia, she was employed as a computer programmer. Sandstrom recalled that at Ryerson she was 10 years older than most of the other students in her program and didn’t “instantly feel like a part of that community.” As she walked each day from one university building to another, she passed a woman selling hot dogs. This brief daily interaction, as she noted on her bio on the University of Sussex website, inspired her to study the impact of “interactions with weak ties.” Sandstrom…

It was the third week of January several years ago. I had just finished a presentation about steps to initiate a healthier, more resilient lifestyle. The main points I addressed were those my colleague Sam Goldstein and I emphasized in our book The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life. I highlighted the power of “negative scripts” that represent obstacles to achieving desired changes in our lives. As the words “negative scripts” suggest, these represent thoughts and behaviors to which we rigidly adhere, even when these scripts prove to be counterproductive or self-defeating. When negative scripts involve other people, we are likely to believe that it’s the responsibility of others to change first, not us. In these scenarios, it’s as if we are actors in a play, unable to deviate from what we say and do. There are many everyday examples of negative scripts, including the following: I saw Paul in therapy. He was having difficulty in his managerial role. He asserted, “My staff knows what’s expected of them and if they don’t do it, they will hear from me.” When I asked Paul if they hear from him when they do perform well, he…

In last month’s article I cited interviews conducted with United States citizens prior to the presidential election. The people interviewed, some planning to vote for Kamala Harris and others for Donald Trump, voiced a similar concern: if their candidate lost, our country would rapidly deteriorate and not be a place where they wished to live. I noted that while some U.S. citizens also held similar feelings prior to the 2016 and 2020 elections, the intensification of divisiveness, anxiety, and anger during the past eight years had fueled an ever-increasing desperate perspective about the election’s outcome. I do not know if those who voted for Harris hastened their plans to leave the country or are waiting to see what happens when Trump assumes the presidency next month. I know that some are concerned about his choices for cabinet and advisory roles. This concern was heightened when a lawyer for Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump’s choice for Health Secretary, asked the F.D.A. to revoke approval of the polio vaccine, a vaccine that has basically eradicated polio worldwide. When asked, Kennedy replied that he was “all for” the vaccine. I decided to write last month’s article at the suggestion of several people who…

A couple of weeks before the 2024 presidential election, I read an article about citizens of the United States who planned to move out of the country based on the election results. The people interviewed, some planning to vote for Kamala Harris and others for Donald Trump, voiced a similar concern: if their candidate lost, our country would rapidly deteriorate and not be a place where they wanted to live. While some U.S. citizens also held similar feelings before the 2016 and 2020 elections, the intensification of divisiveness, anxiety, and anger during the past eight years has fueled an ever-increasing desperate perspective about the election’s outcome. Within a day of Trump’s victory, I heard from people who had voted for Harris and expressed their sadness and notable anxiety about the future. I also read interviews with Harris supporters. Some specifically referred to their concerns for vulnerable groups that were singled out during the campaign, including undocumented immigrants and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Others referred to the loss of reproductive rights for women, not only abortion but the curtailment of in vitro fertilization (IVF). Fears of increased racism and polarization were expressed. Some of those who contacted me suggested I…

Those who have read my articles or books are aware that during my career I have shifted from an intervention to a prevention perspective. My recent April and May 2024 columns were devoted to the important lesson housed in the Upstream Parable: it is far more effective to devote our time and energy to identifying and addressing the causes of a problem upstream than constantly and frantically attempting to cope with the problem once it has intensified downstream. The benefits of adopting a prevention approach may seem obvious, but it is not always easy to achieve. In the upstream parable articles I described from personal experience how we (or an entire organization) can become captive to a downstream outlook, constantly expending an inordinate amount of time and energy putting out an existing conflagration rather than preventing the fire from emerging or intensifying. It is difficult to implement a prevention model when all of our efforts are directed at containing the existing fires. A focus on events occurring upstream invites the question, “What can we do upstream to lessen or eliminate a problem from arising or strengthening?” In applying this question to the concept of resilience, we can ask, “What steps…

This month’s article has been co-authored with my friend and colleague Dr. Sam Goldstein. It was prompted by our next scheduled appearance on the parent webinar series ParentEd Talks, sponsored by ParentMap. The webinar, which is titled “The Lost Art of Civility: Raising Respectful Kids,” will be broadcast live on Tuesday, February 25, 2025, from 4:00-5:00 p.m. ET A Parable Two farmers, Ben and Luke, resided in a village nestled amidst undulating hills. Ben’s demeanor, with his fiery temper and cutting remarks, was strikingly different from Luke’s, who was known for his serene disposition and gentle speech. One spring, both farmers planted their crops. Impatient and irritable, Ben often lashed out at his workers, many of whom lived close by. He believed that strictness and harshness would motivate his employees and yield better results for his crops. Luke’s approach was noticeably different. He always spoke with respect and gratitude, encouraging those around him with his gentle words. As the season progressed, the effects of Ben’s harshness became evident. His workers became increasingly disheartened, anxious, and careless as they struggled under his constant criticism. Weeds grew unchecked, and the crops began to wither. In contrast, Luke’s workers, inspired by his civility…