In my October, 2012 article I focused on one of my favorite topics, that of a “charismatic adult.” As I have often noted, it was a description introduced by the late psychologist Julius Segal. He emphasized that children who overcome adversity and become resilient do so in great part because of the presence in their lives of a charismatic adult, that is, a person from whom “a child or adolescent gathers strength.” I was immediately drawn to this definition while reading an article authored by Segal in 1988. I found the image of “gathering strength” to be very powerful and in concert with a major finding in the resilience research literature. When individuals who had persevered in spite of challenging childhoods were asked to reflect upon what factors contributed to their success and optimism, an almost universal response was that there was at least one adult in their lives who steadfastly believed in and supported them. Their resilience was rooted in great part in their interaction with this charismatic adult. My friend and colleague Sam Goldstein and I expanded upon the age range in which charismatic adults have influence. We emphasized that not only youngsters but adults as well need…

In my previous newsletters I have addressed topics directed to parents, educators, and business people. Since this newsletter is being written at a time when most youngsters in the United States have recently begun a new school year, I want to place the spotlight on two issues specifically embracing education: one, the importance of so-called social-emotional factors in the learning process and two, the lifelong impact that educators have on students. I believe that these two related topics play a central role in the educational process. As many of my readers are aware, one of my primary interests in the field of education has focused on the challenge of creating school environments that nurture the emotional and cognitive lives of students, reinforce motivation and learning, and touch both the hearts and minds of students. I have long advocated in my workshops and consultation activities that the teaching of academic skills and content will be most effective when conducted in an environment that gives more than lip service to nourishing a student’s emotional life. Yet, there have been those who honestly and respectfully differ with this opinion. At one of my workshops a high school science teacher challenged the emphasis I…

Last week, as I was traveling to give two presentations at Milton Hershey School (MHS) in Hershey, PA, I read an article by Kara Baskin that was recently posted in the Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge online publication. I was intrigued by the title, “A Free Marketing Tool that Actually Works: Smiling.” It reported on research conducted by Shunyuan Zhang, a faculty member at Harvard Business School, and several of her colleagues. In my writings and presentations, I’ve described the power of seemingly small gestures, including warm greetings and smiles, in creating positive emotions that contribute to the formation of healthy, supportive relationships and our overall well-being.  To highlight the importance of a smile, I’ve often remarked with some humor, “Don’t you become a little concerned when a physician or mental health professional’s receptionist looks glum and doesn’t smile?  Not a promising way to begin an appointment!”  This comment often evokes both nods and laughter. The significance of a smile appears early in a child’s life.  For parents or other caregivers who are reading this article, think about the first time your infant smiled in response to your smile.  I remember the excitement I experienced with my sons Rich and…

As I’ve noted in my previous June articles, this will be my last column until September. I want to express my gratitude for the many comments, questions, and insights provided by my readers. Your feedback is always welcome and has served as a resource for the topics I have selected for future articles. I posted my first website article 25 years ago in 1999, I believe within a year of my website going on-line. At that time, the web was basically in its beginning stages and most of my mental health colleagues did not have a website. That situation was certainly to change! My decision to launch a website was greatly influenced by my older son Rich who had founded a website development agency in 1997. His company, flyte new media, is based in Portland, ME with clients throughout the U.S. and beyond. The company has grown considerably since those early years. Their expansion, including the increased number of staff they have, clients they serve, and services they offer as a “full service digital marketing and web design + development agency,” reflects the exponential growth of the internet since 1997 and how it has become an integral part of our…

In last month’s article I described the Upstream Parable. A main lesson to be learned from this parable is that it is far more effective to devote our time and energy identifying and addressing the causes of a problem upstream than constantly and frantically attempting to cope with the consequences of the problem downstream. The benefits of a shift from a reactive, crisis intervention approach to a proactive, crisis prevention framework may seem obvious. However, many individuals and organizations become so overwhelmed extinguishing one fire after another downstream that adopting an upstream perspective is not even on their radar. Last month I shared how I and my staff at McLean Hospital embraced a self-defeating, negative script that perpetuated the problems we had with our patients. As my colleague Sam Goldstein and I observed in our book The Power of Resilience, while many people and organizations recognize that what they are doing is ineffective or counterproductive, negative scripts persist. I’ve been asked, “Why are negative scripts so prevalent? Why do they continue even when we are aware that what we are doing is not working?” The answers may differ from one person to the next. One major reason is found when…

I planned to write my March column the weekend of March 16. I had already selected a topic: the impact of loneliness on one’s physical and emotional well-being and the importance of having a supportive community to provide a sense of belonging and connectedness as an antidote to loneliness. For me, there is not one set definition of the make-up of a community. As examples, it can include just a few friends or family, a place of worship, individuals with similar jobs or in the same workplace, or people volunteering for a particular cause or charity. The topic of loneliness is one I have described in past writings, including my February, 2018 article, and several articles composed during the pandemic. I decided to address the theme of loneliness again given recent research highlighting its ongoing deleterious effect. In my February, 2018 piece, I quoted Dr. Vivek Murthy, a former U.S. Surgeon General, who expressed that loneliness represented a major health issue, including an increased risk for cardiovascular and chronic illnesses. He posited that the effect of loneliness on our health was similar to “smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” The Passing of a Brother I had no idea when I first…

Last month, I discussed maintaining realistic hope and optimism during challenging times marked by war, divisiveness, mistrust, and anger. This situation, fueled by the ongoing Hamas-Israeli conflict and its many ramifications, has continued unabated, leading some to question if a sense of optimism is warranted in the midst of such dire conditions. In that column I referred to Admiral James Stockdale, a Prisoner of War in Vietnam for more than seven years who was subjected to repeated torture. Stockdale identified the POWs who fared most poorly in captivity as “optimists,” as the ones who “died of a broken heart” as their dreams of coming home in the near future were repeatedly denied. I emphasized that from my perspective Stockdale was referring to “unrealistic” rather than “realistic” optimists. I cited the work of Heidi Grant, a social psychologist at Columbia University, who, in an article titled “Be an Optimist without Being a Fool” that was posted on hbr.org wrote, “Realistic optimists believe they will succeed, but also believe they have to make success happen—through things like effort, careful planning, persistence, and choosing the right strategies. They recognize the need for giving serious thought to how they will deal with obstacles. This…

I have frequently noted that a basic foundation for resilience is the presence of what the late psychologist Julius Segal called a “charismatic adult,” defined as an adult from whom children “gather strength.” In elaborating on Segal’s notion, I have emphasized that even in adulthood, we all need such people in our lives. Charismatic adults play a role in a wide spectrum of environments, including homes, schools, colleges, mental health agencies, businesses, financial settings, and law firms to name several. I have written about the healing power of supportive relationships following catastrophic events such as the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Hurricane Katrina, and more recently, the pandemic. In addition, when describing the dire emotional and physical consequences of loneliness, I have positioned positive relationships as an antidote to these consequences. Given my interest in the power of positive connections, I was drawn to an article posted on theconversation.com website titled “Disaster Survivors Need Help Remaining Connected with Friends and Families—and Access to Mental Health Care.” The piece was co-authored by Daniel Aldrich, Professor of Political Science, Public Policy and Urban Affairs and Director, Security and Resilience Program at Northeastern University in Boston, and Yunus Emre Tapan, a doctoral student in Political Science…

I hope all of you had an opportunity for some relaxation and re-charging during the summer months. I’ve often devoted my September article to a school-related theme to coincide with the beginning of the new school year. This month’s column examines the ways in which teachers, parents, youth coaches, and other caregivers understand and respond to the seeming lack of motivation displayed by some children and adolescents. While its content most often focuses on students and the school environment, it has equal relevance for our home environments and other age groups and settings as well. A little background information is warranted. In my clinical practice and presentations, I have had the opportunity to interview children and adults diagnosed with LD (learning differences/disabilities) and/or ADHD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder). I have asked what they found most helpful when dealing with the challenges they faced and what they found least helpful. Most helpful typically involved the presence of supportive adults or what the late psychologist Julius Segal labeled “charismatic adults,” defined as adults from whom children and adolescents “gathered strength.” A frequent answer to what has been least helpful centered around remarks expressed by adults that were perceived as accusatory or judgmental. One…

A recent American Psychological Association report “Stress in America” noted that financial worries, including inflation, and the war in Ukraine have “piled on to a nation stuck in COVID-19 survival mode.” The report observed that the war has intensified fear and anxiety in the United States. As one reflection of these findings, I have received many comments and questions during this past month related to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Individuals, already feeling depressed and depleted by a pandemic that has now lasted more than two years and a seemingly endless divisiveness on so many levels, wonder how to cope with the new stress occasioned by what is transpiring in Ukraine. Parents question how best to discuss and explain the Ukrainian events with their children who are not easily shielded from news accounts and videos that vividly display the killing of civilians, the bombing of schools, hospitals, and theaters, and the anguish etched on the faces of mothers and children as they flee their country, leaving behind husbands and fathers who remain to defend their country. As I started to write this article, my initial intention was to suggest actions we might assume to manage this recent disturbing event. I…