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In previous articles I described my perspective about the role and goals
of youth sports (February and March, 2002) and the practice of hazing
(April, 2004). Recent reports in the media have prompted me to reflect
upon and share additional thoughts about these topics.
I continue to be disappointed but not surprised by continuing accounts
of hazing incidents. As I noted in my April, 2004 article, hazing is a
longstanding, common practice that some researchers believe is on the
rise. A couple of weeks ago a disturbing incident occurred at Sandwich
High School on Cape Cod. A story in The Boston Globe written by
Stephanie Ebbert noted, “Garrett Watterson, legally blind in one
eye, knew he would never be a star swinging a baseball bat or shooting
hoops. As a lineman on the Sandwich High School’s freshman football
team, he thought he’d found his sport.”
The article continued, “Now the 14-year-old freshman faces new
physical hurdles, delivered by a body blow so devastating that doctors
had to remove his spleen. The injury, suffered during what school officials
described as a hazing episode at football practice, irrevocably changed
Watterson’s life. From now on, he will require routine immunizations
and regular antibiotics to combat the bacteria normally filtered by the
spleen.” Garrett’s pediatrician offered this prognosis, “He
is at risk of dying from bacterial infection for the rest of his life.
If I get sick and I get a fever, I take Tylenol and go to bed. He gets
sick, he either goes to the doctor or to the hospital. It has a permanent
effect on his life.”
Apparently a junior on the football team grabbed Garrett’s ankles,
lifted him in the air, and then threw him on the ground at the beginning
of a practice before the coaches had arrived in what was described as
a “freshman beat-down.” The result was a ruptured spleen;
the surgeons characterized the force of his hitting the ground as similar
to that of a car accident. At the time the first Boston Globe article
appeared, school officials and police were interviewing football players.
Nine had already been suspended and two were dismissed from the football
team. A more recent article reported that “prosecutors, taking a
hard line, announced that they would file criminal charges against nine
players who admitted taking part in the episode. . . . Authorities said
they plan to charge two of the players—the junior accused of causing
the injury and the senior captain accused of instigating the ‘freshman
beat-down’—with felony assault and battery.” Massachusetts
has an anti-hazing law that allows for a fine of up to $3,000 and a year
in prison for anyone convicted of participating in hazing and a fine of
$1,000 for failing to report hazing.
At the same time the initial story about Garrett appeared, another incident
of hazing was reported in The Boston Globe. The story, written
by Peter DeMarco, noted, “A group of female seniors at St. Paul’s
School in Concord, New Hampshire, has been suspended for allegedly forcing
new female students to participate in hazing rituals last weekend, school
alumni said. The younger girls, some of whom were spending just their
second night at the exclusive boarding school, were awakened in their
dormitories in the middle of the night, blindfolded with sanitary napkins
and locked for a time in closets and storage rooms, according to a source
familiar with some victims’ accounts of the reported episodes. Some
students were forced to simulate oral sex and swallow whipped cream, while
other students were asked sexually explicit questions, the source said.”
Douglas Dickson, dean of students, said, “We’re disappointed
with what’s happened here. There’s really no place for hazing
in our school.” Bishop Craig Anderson, the school’s rector,
sent an e-mail to parents and staff noting, “I am writing to tell
you that in two of our girls’ houses, senior students engaged in
a welcoming ritual with the new students in their houses that most would
consider to be hazing. Although there have been no reports of physical
contact or any type of physical harm involved, the School will continue
to send the message that treating anyone with disrespect is simply not
acceptable. Hazing will not be tolerated at this School. I want all of
you to know that the girls who joined in these activities have insisted
to a person, that they intended no harm. Nonetheless, each will appear
before the Disciplinary Committee where they will be judged based on what
they did and not what they meant to do.”
I concur with Bishop Anderson’s position. While the senior girls
may have intended no harm, harm was done even if it was not physical.
I would not be surprised if the student(s) involved in the Garrett Watterson
incident said that the intent was not to hurt Garrett. However, as I emphasized
in my article about hazing, research indicates that actions that humiliate,
degrade, or abuse another person may have longlasting, negative effects,
whatever the intent may have been. As adults we must send a strong message
to our youth that hazing is not to be tolerated.
I want to emphasize that more is involved in this issue than simply having
pronouncements and laws against behaviors that are subsumed under the
definition of hazing. Adults must be proactive in creating environments
in which children and adolescents refrain from demeaning or hurting another
person not only because they fear punishment, but, more importantly, because
they know it is the wrong thing to do. We must provide our youth with
realistic messages and memorable activities that foster respect and dignity
towards oneself and others. The more we allow youngsters to experience
the joys and benefits of prosocial behaviors, the less likely they are
to display behaviors that humiliate or harm others.
An illustration of a proactive, uplifting approach was reported in a
recent article in Parade Magazine. The author, Jeffrey Marx, focused
on Joe Ehrmann, a football coach at Gilman High School in Baltimore for
the past eight years. The article is based on Marx’s recently released
book Season of Life. Ehrmann is a 55-year-old former professional football
player whose career spanned 13 years. His post-football life is very impressive.
He is an inner-city minister who founded a community center known as The
Door. He co-founded a Ronald McDonald House for seriously ill children
and their families and developed a project to promote racial harmony.
He also has astute observations, especially related to the psychological
development of boys, although given the incidents of hazing among girls,
the relevance of his ideas touch both genders.
Ehrmann believes that too many boys are brought up to believe in “false
masculinity,” namely, judging success in terms of athletic ability,
sexual conquest, and economic success. “We compare, we compete.
That’s all we ever do. It leaves men feeling isolated and alone.
And it destroys any concept of community.” His ideas parallel those
of my colleague, Dr. Bill Pollack, author of the bestselling book Real
Boys. To counter the emergence of “false masculinity,”
Ehrmann advocates the creation of a new definition of what it means to
be a man and labels it “strategic masculinity.” The latter
is predicated on two factors: nurturing relationships with others and
identifying and working for a cause beyond oneself. I was especially interested
in these two factors since they are integral dimensions of what my colleague
Dr. Sam Goldstein and I refer to as a “resilient mindset”
in our books about both children (Raising Resilient Children) and
adults (The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and
Personal Strength in Your Life).
Ehrmann’s eloquent words capture the paramount importance of these
two variables. He notes in the Parade Magazine article, “Masculinity,
first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of the capacity to
love and to be loved. It comes down to this: What kind of father
are you? What kind of husband are you? What kind of coach or teammate
are you? What kind of son are you? What kind of friend are you? Success
comes in terms of relationships.
“And then all of us ought to have some kind of cause, some kind
of purpose in our lives that’s bigger than our own individual hopes,
dreams, wants and desires. At the end of our life, we ought to be able
to look back over it from our deathbed and know that somehow the world
is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered,
other focused.”
Ehrmann not only “talks the talk” but “walks the walk.”
He truly translates his beliefs into action. From the first practice he
and Head Coach Biff Poggi convey to their players a perspective of what
it means to be a man. They emphasize that football at Gilman High School
is about living in a community and nurturing relationships in which each
player serves to enhance the lives of others. Concepts such as empathy,
inclusion, and honesty are emphasized.
Sean Price, one of the football players, commented, “I was blown
away at first. All the stuff about love and relationships—I didn’t
really understand why it was part of football. After a while though, getting
to know some of the older guys on the team, it was the first time I’ve
ever been around friends who really cared about me.”
The players are also reminded that one of the most important questions
they can ask themselves is, “What can I do for you?” Consequently,
there is a rule that no Gilman football player should ever let another
student, whether on the football team or not, sit by himself in the lunchroom.
Ehrmann, teaching empathy, asks, “How do you think that boy feels
if he’s eating all alone? Go get him and bring him over to your
table.”
Ehrmann’s compassion and insight were evident in other rules instituted
at Gilman. No player is ever cut from the team based on athletic ability
and every senior plays regardless of the score of a game. One of the guiding
principles of a coach is to build up players, not humiliate or embarrass
them. Ehrmann adds, “Let us be mindful never to shame a boy but
to correct him in an uplifting and loving way.”
Ehrmann punctuates his message with a thought-provoking exercise similar
to one suggested by Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People. Prior to the last game of the season, each senior
addresses his teammates and coaches to read an essay titled, “How
I Want to Be Remembered When I Die.” The Parade Magazine
article included the words of David Caperna as he read from his “obituary.”
He wrote, “David was a man who fought for justice and accepted the
consequences of his actions. He was not a man who would allow poverty,
abuse, racism or any sort of oppression to take place in his presence.
David carried with him the knowledge and pride of being a man built for
others.” While a cynical person might wonder if these were simply
flowery sentiments, I sense that under the influence of Joe Ehrmann, these
words represent an integral part of the value system housed within David
Caperna as well as his teammates.
These lifelong lessons of respecting oneself and others, being empathic,
and contributing to the welfare of others are far more important than
the outcome of a football game. However, for those interested in whether
one can teach compassion and caring and still win football games, it should
be noted that the Gilman football team was undefeated in three of the
last six seasons and ranked No. 1 in Baltimore. In 2002, the team was
also ranked No. 1 in Maryland and No. 14 in national standings. As Marx
notes in his article, Ehrmann does not even mention these rankings unless
directly asked about them. Obviously, even if his team had a losing record
on the field, he would still feel they were champions and he had succeeded
as a coach if they displayed compassion and caring off the field.
As I reflected upon Ehrmann’s philosophy and practices, I could
not help but wonder if an incident such as occurred with Garrett Watterson
or for that matter with the new students at St. Paul’s School would
be likely to transpire at Gilman. While such incidents could occur under
Ehrmann’s watch, I think it highly improbable. I know that any youngster
may be capable of demeaning another youth or certainly standing by passively
as such an act occurs. However, as adults we have the responsibility of
incorporating into our interactions with children and adolescents—both
through our words and deeds—the message of respect and love so eloquently
expressed by Joe Ehrmann. It is a message that deserves daily consideration
by all who have the privilege of teaching our youth.
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